Rain Upon the Blinding Dust
by fireweed15
Summary: [spoilers for "Catch and Release"] "Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before—more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle." — Charles Dickens, Great Expectations


It had been a week since Peridot had taken up residence in Steven's bathroom. She never left it, but Steven found himself used to her presence after a couple of days. Sometimes he tried to make conversation as he went through his morning and evening routines, but she rarely took the proverbial bait.

Still, Steven remained optimistic. "Hey Peridot?" he asked one evening after drying his face.

The shower curtain drew back, revealing Peridot in her usual posture, sitting in the tub. "What?"

"I made you a bed on the couch," Steven replied, "if you want to sleep there."

Peridot eyed him for a moment before venturing, "What's a couch?"

"You sit on it," he explained. "It's soft and probably more comfortable than being in the tub at night."

Peridot looked him up and down, as if trying to detect a lie or a trap. "…Maybe. Thank you." She drew the shower curtain closed once more, and it seemed as though she wasn't there at all.

Still, Steven left the bathroom feeling positive—this had been their longest conversation to date!

* * *

Something woke him up just after midnight. He sat up, blinking sleep from his eyes as he tried to gather his bearings and place the sound. Gathering his bearings was the easy part. The latter took more thought, and he quickly realized that it was a faint, almost pained whine coming from below his loft.

His brow furrowed, Steven crawled out of bed and peered over the edge of the loft. Below, Peridot lay on the couch, under the blankets Steven had set out for her. As far as he could tell, she had come out of hiding sometime after he'd gone to bed. Rather than sleeping peacefully, though, she seemed troubled. Her gem glowed faintly, and seemed to be projecting something, like Pearl's did.

Moving quietly, Steven crept down the stairs and started toward the sofa. Despite the fact that it was probably really rude to, he couldn't help but lift his eyes to watch Peridot's projection. Her gem was showing her dream, like an old home movie—but unlike home movies, her dream was the obvious cause of her distress.

In it, she lay on the ground, beaten up and frightened, trying desperately to push someone's foot off her chest. " _Please… Yellow Diamond, have mercy, please!_ " she was pleading.

The foot lifted, and came back down with the heel on Peridot's gem. It dug in, and she screamed in pain, the sound making Steven's blood run cold. An unseen voice mocked the Gem beneath it—" _You failed, Peridot—this_ is _mercy._ "

Unable to bear more, or the thought of Peridot dreaming more, Steven gripped her arm and shook it. "Peridot? Peridot, wake up."

Peridot's eyes shot open, and she sat up quickly, pulling her arm from Steven's grip. She looked around for several moments, almost confused, before her gaze fell on Steven. "It's you."

"Are you okay?" he asked, hands falling to his side.

"What happened to me?" Peridot carded her fingers through her hair, ruffling its shape. "What's this planet _doing to me_?"

"You were sleeping," Steven offered in explanation. "And dreaming." He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to tell her about what he saw. What if it upset her?

Peridot eyed him critically as she took in this new information. "Being unconscious and hallucinating is… normal?"

"When you say it like that it sounds weird," Steven replied, rubbing the back of his neck, "but yeah."

Peridot looked down at her hands before grumbling something in her native tongue. "Great…" She draw her legs up to her chest and hid her face in her knees.

"Do you want a drink?" Steven offered after several moments.

"A what?" Peridot's voice was muffled when she spoke.

"I'll make you hot chocolate," he went on, tempting her with the most delicious thing he could make.

She lifted her head and looked down at him. It was obvious from her expression that she didn't know what hot chocolate or even a drink _was_ , but she nodded in agreement, and that was enough for now.

* * *

Some fifteen minutes later, Steven and Peridot were sitting on the couch, mugs in hand. At Steven's insistence, Peridot wore a blanket around her shoulders like a cloak. "Thank you," she mumbled, looking down at the mug. The word "Keystone" was etched into the side in pseudo-gold.

"Do you like it?" he asked between sips of his own drink.

Peridot took a dutiful sip of the liquid. "Too rich," she pronounced before haltingly adding, "but it's… nice. Thank you."

Steven nodded and took another drink before turning his attention to her. "Do you want to talk about your dream?"

"My what?" she asked.

"Your… sleep hallucination?" he clarified.

Peridot's nose wrinkled as if in disgust. "Who said I was… dreaming?"

Steven's eyes flicked to her forehead. "Your gem," he said. "It projected your dream. I saw some of it, and… you were crying. In your sleep."

Peridot gave a slight start at this, then turned her gaze away. "Great…"

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Steven offered softly.

For a moment, she seemed to consider it, but finally shrugged one shoulder. "If Yellow Diamond finds out about me being here, I'm going to be punished."

"What is she going to do?" Steven murmured, his voice hushed at the mention of Yellow Diamond. Was that what she had been dreaming about?

"She'll…" Peridot set the mug down and pulled the blanket tighter around herself. "She'll probably shatter me." She was no doubt trying to sound casual about it, but her voice quavered, betraying her fear.

"Why would she do that?" Steven asked, his eyes wide with fear.

"Because I _failed_!" Peridot snapped, gesturing widely. "Go in, check on the Cluster, get out—I can't even do that right! And now that I'm trapped here on this cursed planet I can't even survive without—I'm not a soldier! I'm just a technician! I was never meant to _do this_!" She buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking. "I can't do this…"

After a moment, Steven set his mug on the coffee table and scooted closer to her, loosely wrapping his arms around her shoulders. "Peridot, I'm sorry you're scared," he said softly.

"What am I going to do?" she asked softly, almost moaning.

"You can stay here with us," he offered. "I know you don't like us, or Earth, but… we can help you. If you want."

For a moment, Peridot didn't reply, and Steven wasn't altogether sure if she heard him. Finally she lifted her face from her hands. Even in the darkness, it was easy to tell that her eyes were wet with tears. "I'll think about it," she conceded.

Steven's expression brightened as though she had agreed to change sides. He released her long enough to hold out a small box with paper sticking out of it to her.

"What's this for?" she asked, considering the pale gray cardboard.

"Tissues," he explained. "You can dry your eyes with them."

Peridot reached out and slowly tugged one of the tissues from the box, then pulled her visor from her face to pat the wetness on her cheeks and under her eyes away.

"Do you feel better?" Steven asked quietly, as if trying to avoid intruding on her thoughts.

"I… kind of do," she admitted. "Thank you. For this—" she fingered the tissue in her hand—"and this." She picked up the mug and took another sip of the heated chocolate. "And for… this." She gestured vaguely at the space between them. "For listening. For… helping me."


End file.
